Originally Posted August 2008
According to researchers at the Knosuj Place Times, St. Peter and St. Paul have been given 30 year notice from God that they are about to be replaced in their positions.
An annonymous source notified our paper that not only is Christiano Ronaldo saintly enough to become God's chief saint upon death, he is also saintly enough to take over the positions of St. Paul and St. Peter the next two highest saints in rank.
Father Chris Muss abbot at the Brothers of Meijer monestary here in Knosuj Place explains the decision:
"To be a good fisherman of men, you need to be able to dive right in to the task. The great referee in the sky winks kindly on Ronaldo's simulations of good deeds and will reward him with a penalty applied against St. Peter and St. Paul as a result."
God was unable to answer reporters from our paper to confirm or deny reports of Ronaldo's promotion. His receptionist informed us that the almighty was in the process of filling out lengthy paper work regarding Joey Barton and would not be able to answer any questions until next week.
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