Passive Drinking

Originally Posted sometime in 2008

Researchers at Knosuj Place University have discovered alcohol can be absorbed into the blood stream, not only by the drinker, but by innocent parties in close proximity. This effect is called "Passive Drinking" and should not be confused with "second-hand drinking," an event associated with Max Mosely dungeon-parties.

Scottish Whisky is reportedly the worst alcohol for being passed on in passive drinking Vigorous gum chewing increases the risk for causing spectators to get passive drinking symptons. Dizzyness and inability to stand on ones feet, throwing oneself to the ground and writing in agony are amongst the more common symptoms of a passive drinker.

Others symptoms include irratability, visual cues such as placing ones hands on ones hips and pouting may be displayed. People suffering from Passive Drinking may show behavioural problems such as refusing to bathe, the desire to rub marmite through ones hair- resulting in an excessively greasy look; greed, inflated-ego and inability to take penalty kicks well are other potential symptoms.

There is good news though. Researchers don't understand why, but eating Spanish foods can help reverse or stop the effects from Passive Drinking. It is recommended that anyone afflicted with this condition move to Spain immediately, preferably Madrid.

Researchers cite that moving to Spain may not cure physical disfigurements from Passive Drinking. If you look like a horse, chances are you'll still look like a horse after moving to Spain.