Originally Posted November 5th, 2008
KP Industries of Knosuj Place today are announcing a new set of fireworks will be available for next year's bonfire night.
Houllier Howler- label claims firework takes 5 years to explode but it never really ignites.
Ronaldo Rocket- instead of soaring into the air this firework falls to the ground and flails itself about.
Lampard Leaper- fun for the family, aim it at your friends and it will deflect 45 degrees to the nearest piece of netting.
Delap Destroyer- this is a firework you throw- but you have to take for granted that it actually explodes as it travels quite a distance.
Barton Boomer- this volatile firework has a habit of exploding in your face.
Rooney Rampage- label promises a blue firework but the sparks quickly turn to red after igniting.
Skrtel Scorcher- you don't mess with this firework or you'll get a lit match held under your bottom.
Wes-B Wheel- this orange firework moves a little slowly and tends to shoot in the wrong direction.
Tevez Thunder- not the most attractive firework. Often found in Carraghers pocket.
Hicks Howlitzer- this magic firework will put you in debt and cause stadium plans to go up in smoke.
Shevchenko Shooter- KP Industries most expensive firework produces little bang and is a faded version of previous models.
Mascherano Monster- When released at another firework will prevent that other firework from shining.
Rafa Revolver- accused of rotating in the sky as it travels- however in reality it rotates no more frequently than other top-fireworks.
Parry Popper- an ineffective firework that blows a lot of smoke and may prevent you from seeing the stars.
Barry Blazer- a reliable firework that needs to feel wanted. Good but is being sold for twice it's true value. This firework screams "sell me, sell me, sell me please!!!!!!" as it soars through the sky.
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